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That’s a lot of red. Moments like this I realise what a gift a photograph is. It’s just a box with a few toys inside. And there is nothing in their eyes but pure joy and excitement, nothing but happiness.

Wonderful little boys. Ben, protective big brother, my mate, the online gamer, growing into a handsome smart young man. Flynn, the solid little tike with his ‘coz coz coz’ arguments, hanging off my leg, the scrapper, the Playstation junkie. Luca, the little mischief with the cutest smile and voice and his treasures he carries everywhere, happy in his own space. Grabbing my other leg because Flynn says so. Dragging them down the hallway on my ankles to the toilet before bed.

How amazing are they. How lucky are we, beautiful kids that love us in spite of our flaws and failures. That strip away all the chaos and pain in the world and just make life simple. To see them win something, achieve something, so precious. At night I sit in the dark with them after they sleep, just listening to their precious little breaths. Today watching Ben playing his best game of soccer, I whispered in Flynn’s ear ‘I love you matey’ and he replied ‘I love you too dad’ and cuddled me tight and stayed there with his little head on my shoulder. Moments like that mean so much. As adults we often have to battle through a lot of walls to reach a place like that. It’s an amazing thing when you find it. So rare and special.

I wish so much I was the perfect Dad. So so much. All I can do from today and again tomorrow is try to be. Time travels so quickly, so fast. Makes you miss the people you love. Tomorrow is Fathers Day.. time to go sit in the dark.